I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize