so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize