found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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