everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
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I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
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Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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