quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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