Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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