He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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