I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize