I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
