I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
