I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
