I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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