the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
