I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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