so explain again why im purple
no
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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