If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
