This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
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