I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Randomize
