My room smells like vodka and shame
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
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dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
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Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize