Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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