I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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