so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
