Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
