Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Randomize
