is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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