Nicole vs. Life
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
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Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
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Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
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