i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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