Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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