Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
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Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
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Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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