just survived the first fart of the relationship.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
this boner is exhausting
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
