You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize