Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
