I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
