I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
