You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
