at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize