dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize