that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
