I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
