Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
