dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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