White coat. Heels.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
