nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Randomize
