Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Green mimosas i think yes
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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