Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
