your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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