Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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