she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
