so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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