so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Randomize
