Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
