They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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