Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
So here I am, sexting at work.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
