I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
