Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
