you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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