covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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