You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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