Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
