Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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