i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i jhust puked up my retainher.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
