wake up i wanna do it froggy style
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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