Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
